Mount! Read online

  About the Book

  In Jilly Cooper’s latest, raciest novel, Rupert Campbell-Black takes centre stage in the cut-throat world of flat racing.

  Rupert is consumed by one obsession: that Love Rat, his adored grey horse, be proclaimed ‘Leading Sire’, or rather champion stallion. He is determined to trounce Roberto’s Revenge, the stallion owned by his detested rival Cosmo Rannaldini, which means abandoning his racing empire at Penscombe and his darling wife Taggie, and chasing winners in the richest races worldwide, from Dubai to Los Angeles to Melbourne.

  Luckily, the fort at home is held by Rupert’s assistant Gav, a genius with horses, fancied by every stable lass, but damaged by alcoholism and a vile wife. When Gala, a grieving but ravishing Zimbabwean widow moves to Penscombe as carer for Rupert’s wayward father, it is not just Gav who is drawn to her. A returning Rupert finds himself dangerously attracted.

  Gala adores horses, and when she switches to working in the yard, her carer’s job is taken by a devastatingly handsome South African man who claims to be gay but seems far keener on caring for the angelic Taggie. And as increasingly sinister acts of sabotage strike at Penscombe, the game of musical loose boxes gathers apace . . .

  Contents

  Cover

  About the Book

  Title Page

  Dedication

  Cast of Characters in 1786

  Cast of Principal Contemporary Characters

  Prologue

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Chapter 27

  Chapter 28

  Chapter 29

  Chapter 30

  Chapter 31

  Chapter 32

  Chapter 33

  Chapter 34

  Chapter 35

  Chapter 36

  Chapter 37

  Chapter 38

  Chapter 39

  Chapter 40

  Chapter 41

  Chapter 42

  Chapter 43

  Chapter 44

  Chapter 45

  Chapter 46

  Chapter 47

  Chapter 48

  Chapter 49

  Chapter 50

  Chapter 51

  Chapter 52

  Chapter 53

  Chapter 54

  Chapter 55

  Chapter 56

  Chapter 57

  Chapter 58

  Chapter 59

  Chapter 60

  Chapter 61

  Chapter 62

  Chapter 63

  Chapter 64

  Chapter 65

  Chapter 66

  Chapter 67

  Chapter 68

  Chapter 69

  Chapter 70

  Chapter 71

  Chapter 72

  Chapter 73

  Chapter 74

  Chapter 75

  Chapter 76

  Chapter 77

  Chapter 78

  Chapter 79

  Chapter 80

  Chapter 81

  Chapter 82

  Chapter 83

  Chapter 84

  Chapter 85

  Chapter 86

  Chapter 87

  Chapter 88

  Chapter 89

  Chapter 90

  Chapter 91

  Chapter 92

  Chapter 93

  Chapter 94

  Chapter 95

  Chapter 96

  Chapter 97

  Chapter 98

  Acknowledgements

  About the Author

  Also by Jilly Cooper

  Copyright

  MOUNT!

  JILLY COOPER

  To dear Amanda Butler, who

  by her sweet nature, sense of fun

  and unbelievable efficiency has

  transformed my life.

  CAST OF CHARACTERS IN 1786

  RUPERT BLACK A bloodstock expert and awfully amusing adventurer.

  THE FOURTH BARON RUTSHIRE A lecherous old peer, owning much of the county, including Rutminster Racecourse.

  THE HON. JAMES NORTHFIELD Lord Rutshire’s scholarly reclusive elder son.

  THE HON. GISELA NORTHFIELD Ex-kitchenmaid and James’ very new wife.

  THE HON. RUFUS NORTHFIELD Lord Rutshire’s younger son, hard man to hounds, hellraiser, inseparable crony of Rupert Black and far more suited to run the estate.

  THE ANIMALS

  SWEET AZURE Rupert Black’s blue roan mare.

  SPARTAN James Northfield’s dark-brown gelding.

  SEEKER James Northfield’s white mastiff.

  THIRD LEOPARD A super-stallion, winner of the St Leger and Leading Sire.

  CAST OF PRINCIPAL CONTEMPORARY CHARACTERS

  SHEIKH ABDUL BADDI Qatari big hitter, newly obsessed with racing and snapping up star horses.

  WOODY ADAMS Delectable Willowwood tree surgeon. Live-in lover of Canon Niall Forbes.

  EDDIE ALDERTON Rupert Campbell-Black’s American grandson, known as Young Eddie. Gilded brat, poster boy and former flat jockey trying his luck at jump racing, Eddie is also trying to stay faithful to his girlfriend, Trixie Macbeth.

  PARIS ALVASTON Dora Belvedon’s boyfriend. Ice-cool Adonis simultaneously reading Classics at Cambridge and forging a highly successful acting career.

  SETH BAINTON Unscrupulous, drop-dead gorgeous, middle-aged actor known as Mr Bulging Crotchester and the estranged father of Trixie Macbeth’s forthcoming baby.

  MARTIN BANCROFT An appalling fundraising creep.

  BRUTE BARRACLOUGH A dodgy racehorse trainer, who gets a lot of extra-marital sex.

  ROSARIA BARRACLOUGH Brute’s sweet, bullied, endlessly cheated-on wife, whose hard work and gift with horses holds his yard together.

  HARMONY BATES Excellent but extremely large Valhalla stable lass, more adored by horses than the opposite sex.

  DORA BELVEDON Eighteen-year-old smart cookie, besotted with dogs, horses and Paris Alvaston. Multi-tasks as press officer for Mrs Wilkinson and ghost-writer for both Rupert Campbell-Black and a goat called Chisolm.

  JAMES BENSON A smooth and very expensive private doctor.

  LESTER BOLTON Internet tycoon specializing in porn, living in Willowwood and as short on inches as he is on charm.

  CINDY BOLTON Lester’s child bride, an extremely successful porn star and sometime racehorse owner.

  WALTER BRANDON Rupert’s Head Lad, in charge of Rupert’s yard. Known as Walter Walter because he shoves his nose in everywhere.

  SAM BRIDLINGTON Chairman of Panel at the British Racing Association enquiry.

  RUPERT CAMPBELL-BLACK Hugely successful owner, trainer, breeder, who bestrides the racing world like a colossus. Despite being as bloody-minded as he is beautiful, still Nirvana for most women.

  TAGGIE CAMPBELL-BLACK His second wife, an angel.

  BIANCA CAMPBELL-BLACK Rupert and Taggie’s ravishing Colombian adopted daughter, best friend of Dora Belvedon, girlfriend of rising football star, Feral Jackson.

  XAVIER CAMPBELL-BLACK Rupert and Taggie’s adopted Colombian son – a point-to-point rider.

  EDDIE CAMPBELL-BLACK Rupert’s increasingly dotty father, known as Old Eddie. Five times married and sexual buccaneer of the old school.
/>   ADRIAN CAMPBELL-BLACK Rupert’s younger brother, who runs a New York art gallery. Boyfriend of Baby Spinosissimo.

  JEMMY CARTER Apprentice jockey and Penscombe stable lad, lacks ambition despite huge potential.

  CELESTE A lazy, malevolent, manipulative but extremely pretty Penscombe stable lass.

  COLIN CHALFORD (Mr Fat and Happy) A very nice rich man looking for love.

  CLOVER Penscombe’s youngest stable lass.

  MAJOR NORMAN CUNLIFFE Retired bank manager and pompous ass, treasurer of Willowwood syndicate who formerly owned Mrs Wilkinson.

  MANU DE LA TOUR Charismatic French jockey.

  VALENT EDWARDS Etta Bancroft’s brusque, but intensely kind and charismatic, new husband. Man of the people and ex-Premier League footballer, his hawk-like goalkeeper eyes have found gaps in every market, making him a major player on the world financial stage.

  ETTA EDWARDS A poppet – very newly married to Valent Edwards, and the original rescuer and now owner of Grand National winner, Mrs Wilkinson.

  CANON NIALL FORBES Formerly vicar of Willowwood and Woody Adams’ boyfriend.

  MRS FORD-WINTERS Geoffrey’s owner. Resident of Ashbourne House, a Rutshire care home.

  GEE GEE Gentle giantess and Junoesque Penscombe stud hand, worshipped by Meerkat.

  GERALDINE Rupert’s PA who’d like to be the next Mrs Campbell-Black. A bitch.

  MARTI GLUCKSTEIN Rupert’s lawyer.

  CATHAL GOGAN Rupert’s travelling Head Lad, in charge of horses the moment they leave the yard.

  SIMMY HALLIDAY Rupert’s Estate Manager.

  DAME HERMIONE HAREFIELD World-famous diva, and Cosmo Rannaldini’s mother, seriously tiresome, brings out the Crippen in all.

  LADY HAWKLEY (HELEN ) Mother of Marcus and Tabitha Campbell-Black. A nervy beauty. Having numbered Rupert and Roberto Rannaldini as former husbands, Helen hoped marriage to ex-headmaster and classical scholar, David Hawkley, would mean calmer waters but they seem to have drifted apart.

  HANJI HIROSHI Leading Japanese jockey.

  PAT INGLIS Penscombe’s essentially kind and phlegmatic Stallion Master.

  HAMMOND JOHNSON Leading American jockey.

  GAVIN LATTON Rupert Campbell-Black’s work rider, a genius with horses, marred by alcoholism exacerbated by the contemptuous infidelity of his wife, Bethany.

  BETHANY LATTON A beautiful bitchy nymphomaniac.

  JANEY LLOYD-FOXE Billy Lloyd-Foxe’s widow, a totally unprincipled journalist on the hunt for a new husband.

  ISA LOVELL A brilliant obsessive trainer and ex-champion jockey – a Heathcliff of the gallops, now in sinister partnership with Cosmo Rannaldini, with a yard and a stud at Valhalla doing alarmingly well.

  MARTY LOVELL Isa’s very boyish Australian second wife.

  ROMAN LOVELL Isa and Marty’s eighteen-year-old son, a jockey.

  ALAN MACBETH Etta Edwards’ beguiling son-in-law, author of Wilkie , a hugely successful biography of Mrs Wilkinson.

  TRIXIE MACBETH Extremely pretty and very bright teenage granddaughter of Etta Edwards. Estranged from Seth Bainton, the caddish middle-aged father of her forthcoming baby. Trixie is trying to form a relationship with the seriously wayward Eddie Alderton.

  HEREWARD/HERRY MACBETH Trixie’s baby son, known as Hereward the Awake.

  LOUISE MALONE Very pretty Penscombe stable lass, known as Lou-easy because of her freedom with her favours.

  MARKETA A gorgeous, voluble, volatile, voluptuous Penscombe stable lass from the Czech Republic who adores horses and the opposite sex.

  TEDDY MATTHEWS Hong Kong jockey nearing retirement.

  TARQUIN (TARQUI) McGALL Joint First Jockey to Cosmo Rannaldini and Isa Lovell. The go-to jockey for the big occasion, Tarqui goes every which way sexually.

  ASHLEY (ASH) McINTYRE Isa Lovell’s chillingly ruthless stable jockey, a post shared with Tarqui McGall. Rupert refers to the gay Ashley and the bisexual Tarqui as ‘Sodom and Begorrah’.

  MICHAEL MEAGAN Penscombe work rider and sometime stud hand known as Roving Mike.

  MEERKAT Nickname for Stevie O’Dell. Rupert Campbell-Black’s adorable second jockey.

  GALA MILBURN A Zimbabwean carer, employed to look after Old Eddie Campbell-Black.

  THE HON. RODDY NORTHFIELD Lord Rutshire’s younger brother. A Stipendiary Steward and pillar of the British Racing Association, a self-important prat, nicknamed Famous Grouse because of his incessant nitpicking.

  ENID NORTHFIELD Roddy’s wife, known as ‘Damsire’ because of her obsession with horses’ pedigrees.

  CHAS NORVILLE Racehorse trainer, very reliant on charm and the ability to give his owners a good time.

  LIONEL (LION) O’CONNOR Rupert’s workmanlike and conscientious stable jockey.

  DERMIE O’DRISCOLL Geoffrey’s jockey.

  LORD O’HARA (DECLAN ) Ex-television megastar and author. Rupert Campbell-Black’s father-in-law.

  LADY O’HARA (MAUD ) His feckless actress wife.

  CHARLIE RADCLIFFE An excellent vet.

  COSMO RANNALDINI Dame Hermione Harefield’s son, a little fiend possessing the same lethal brand of sex appeal as his evil conductor father, the late Roberto Rannaldini. Forming a partnership with Isa Lovell, Cosmo has transformed the land round the haunted Abbey of Valhalla into a magnificent state-of-the-art racing yard and stud.

  WOLFIE RANNALDINI Cosmo’s stepbrother, as straight and honourable as Cosmo is corrupt.

  TABITHA RANNALDINI Rupert Campbell-Black’s tempestuous daughter, Olympic eventing gold medallist, married to Wolfie Rannaldini.

  TIMON RANNALDINI Tabitha and Wolfie’s six-year-old son, bears an alarming resemblance to his Uncle Cosmo.

  SAPPHIRE RANNALDINI Timon’s four-year-old sister.

  LORD RUTSHIRE (RUFUS ) Chairman and owner of Rutshire Racecourse, whose estate borders that of Rupert Campbell-Black, causing many territorial skirmishes over the years.

  SAUVIGNON SMITHSON Cosmo Rannaldini’s stunning but utterly ruthless PA. Used by Cosmo to lead up horses and lead on owners.

  BABY SPINOSISSIMO Dazzling Australian tenor and racehorse owner, ex-lover of Isa Lovell and current lover of Rupert Campbell-Black’s New York gallery-owning brother Adrian.

  CONSTANCE SPRIGHTLY A rather pushy vicar’s wife.

  SALLY STONEHOUSE Member of panel at the British Racing Association enquiry.

  LARK TOLLAND A sweet, hardworking, endlessly cheerful Penscombe stable lass, harbouring a hopeless passion for Eddie Alderton.

  BAO TONG Savvy Chinese teenager, who spends several months at Penscombe learning about training and breeding racehorses.

  MR TONG (GENGHIS ) Bao’s father, trillionaire manufacturer of aeroplanes.

  MRS TONG (AIGUO ) Second wife of Genghis Tong and Bao’s stepmother.

  IONE TRAVIS-LOCK Very green, bossy-boots, married to ex-ambassador Alban, and Willowwood ‘Lady of the Manor’.

  JAN VAN DEVENTER A South African carer.

  BOBBY WALKER Rupert’s lorry driver.

  MRS WALTON (RUTH ) Cosmo Rannaldini’s mature but stunning squeeze.

  MR WANG (ZIXIN ) A corrupt Chinese mafia warlord who is cruelly colonizing Africa. Also sexual predator known as ‘The Great Willy of China’.

  MRS WANG (BINGWEN ) His second wife – a beauty.

  TOMMY WESTERHAM Another charming racehorse trainer who ensures his owners have even more of a nice time.

  THE ANIMALS

  PRICELESS Etta Edwards’ black greyhound.

  BANQUO Rupert Campbell-Black’s black Labrador.

  CUTHBERT Rupert Campbell-Black’s Jack Russell.

  FORESTER Taggie Campbell-Black’s brindle greyhound.

  GROPIUS Gala Milburn’s Staffordshire Bull Terrier.

  CADBURY Dora Belvedon’s chocolate Labrador.

  GILCHRIST Rupert Campbell-Black’s other Jack Russell.

  GWENNY Etta Edwards’ black cat.

  PURRPUSS Another black cat – Master Quickly’s stable companion.

  CHISOLM A goat – Mr
s Wilkinson’s stable companion and later Nanny to Master Quickly.

  RUPERT CAMPBELL-BLACK’S STALLIONS

  LOVE RAT Master Quickly’s sire – Rupert’s favourite.

  PEPPY KOALA A Super Star.

  TITUS ANDRONICUS A psychopath.

  THANE OF FIFE

  HAMLET’S GHOST

  ENOBARBUS

  DARDANIUS

  BASSANIO

  BLOOD RIVER A South African First Season Sire – in love with the vet.

  RUPERT CAMPBELL-BLACK’S HORSES IN TRAINING

  SAFETY CAR Another one of Rupert’s favourites.

  PROMISCUOUS Son of Love Rat.

  LIBERTINE Another son of Love Rat.

  PETRUCHIO

  FLEANCE A real trier. Yet another son of Love Rat.

  NEW YEAR’S DAVE An angel. And yet another son of Love Rat.

  TOUCHY FILLY Whose stable name is PMT.

  BLANK CHEKOV Known as Chuck-Off.

  BEIJING BERTIE Ex-pat who likes lots of patting.

  DELECTABLE An appropriately named Chestnut filly.

  DICK THE SECOND

  HELL BENT HAL

  SEE YOU IN A BIT (BITSY ) A pacemaker.

  HORSES IN RUPERT CAMPBELL-BLACK’S STUD

  DOROTHY The practice mare.

  GLOUCESTER The teaser.

  MY CHILD CORDELIA A favourite brood mare.

  ISA LOVELL AND COSMO RANNALDINI’S ACE STALLION

  ROBERTO’S REVENGE (VENGIE )

  ISA AND COSMO’S HORSES IN TRAINING

  (All progeny of Roberto’s Revenge)

  FEUD FOR THOUGHT

  I WILL REPAY

  IVAN THE TERRORIST

  NERO TOLERANCE

  BONE TO PICK

  BORIS BADENOUGH

  EUMENIDES

  VIOLETTA’S VENGEANCE

  JEZEBELLA

  OTHER HORSES INCLUDE

  VERDI’S REQUIEM Irish Triple Crown winner and a leading sire for past fifteen years.

  MRS WILKINSON Etta Edwards’ Grand National winner.

  MASTER QUICKLY Son of Mrs Wilkinson and Love Rat – a piece of work, later trained by Rupert Campbell-Black.

  WAGES OF CINDY Cindy Bolton’s brood mare.

  GEOFFREY Star colt of very humble origins, trained by Brute Barraclough.

  TRANS JENNIFER Seductive filly trained by Chas Norville, and fancied by Master Quickly.