Wicked! Read online

  About the Book

  Two schools: Bagley Hall, wild, ultra-smart independent, crammed with the children of the famous, and Larkminster Comprehensive, demoralised, cash-strapped and sinking fast.

  Janna Curtis, the young, feisty and highly attractive new head, drafted in to save the failing Larkminster comp, faces a daunting task. Her pupils are out of control, her teachers bolshy, and Larks’s prime site has made it the target for greedy developers. She detests private education, but to rescue Larks she will go to any lengths – even forming a partnership with Bagley Hall and its arrogant but utterly gorgeous headmaster, Hengist Brett-Taylor.

  Hengist, in turn, knows that sharing his school’s magnificent facilities with Larkminster Comp will not only bring him vast tax concessions, it will also ensure frequent meetings with the tempestuous but captivating Janna. Teachers and parents are horrified by such a bonding, but for the pupils, the scheme provides joyous opportunity for scandalous behaviour.

  Will our heroine emerge with her heart and her school intact?

  Jilly Cooper

  WICKED!

  This eBook is copyright material and must not be copied, reproduced, transferred, distributed, leased, licensed or publicly performed or used in any way except as specifically permitted in writing by the publishers, as allowed under the terms and conditions under which it was purchased or as strictly permitted by applicable copyright law. Any unauthorised distribution or use of this text may be a direct infringement of the author’s and publisher’s rights and those responsible may be liable in law accordingly.

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  WICKED!

  A CORGI BOOK: 9780552151566

  PRINTING HISTORY

  Bantam edition published 2006

  Corgi edition published 2007

  Copyright © Jilly Cooper 2006

  Jilly Cooper has asserted her right under the Copyright, Designs and

  Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work.

  This book is a work of fiction and, except in the case of historical fact, any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

  The author and publishers are grateful for permission to quote from ‘Three Little Birds’, Words and Music by Bob Marley. © Copyright 1977 Blue Mountain Music Limited. Used by permission of Music Sales Limited. All Rights Reserved. International Copyright Secured.

  A CIP catalogue record for this book

  is available from the British Library

  This book is sold subject to the condition that it shall not, by way of trade or otherwise, be lent, re-sold, hired out, or otherwise circulated without the publisher’s prior consent in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition, including this condition, being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.

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  Every effort has been made to obtain the necessary permissions with reference to copyright material, both illustrative and quoted. We apologize for any omissions in this respect and will be pleased to make the appropriate acknowledgements in any future edition.

  Table of Contents

  Cover

  About the Book

  Title

  Copyright

  About the Author

  Also by Jilly Cooper

  Dedication

  Cast of Characters

  The Animals

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Chapter 27

  Chapter 28

  Chapter 29

  Chapter 30

  Chapter 31

  Chapter 32

  Chapter 33

  Chapter 34

  Chapter 35

  Chapter 36

  Chapter 37

  Chapter 38

  Chapter 39

  Chapter 40

  Chapter 41

  Chapter 42

  Chapter 43

  Chapter 44

  Chapter 45

  Chapter 46

  Chapter 47

  Chapter 48

  Chapter 49

  Chapter 50

  Chapter 51

  Chapter 52

  Chapter 53

  Chapter 54

  Chapter 55

  Chapter 56

  Chapter 57

  Chapter 58

  Chapter 59

  Chapter 60

  Chapter 61

  Chapter 62

  Chapter 63

  Chapter 64

  Chapter 65

  Chapter 66

  Chapter 67

  Chapter 68

  Chapter 69

  Chapter 70

  Chapter 71

  Chapter 72

  Chapter 73

  Chapter 74

  Chapter 75

  Chapter 76

  Chapter 77

  Chapter 78

  Chapter 79

  Chapter 80

  Chapter 81

  Chapter 82

  Chapter 83

  Chapter 84

  Chapter 85

  Chapter 86

  Chapter 87

  Chapter 88

  Chapter 89

  Chapter 90

  Chapter 91

  Chapter 92

  Chapter 93

  Chapter 94

  Chapter 95

  Chapter 96

  Chapter 97

  Chapter 98

  Chapter 99

  Chapter 100

  Chapter 101

  Chapter 102

  Chapter 103

  Chapter 104

  Chapter 105

  Chapter 106

  Chapter 107

  Chapter 108

  Chapter 109

  Chapter 110

  Chapter 111

  Chapter 112

  Chapter 113

  Chapter 114

  Chapter 115

  Chapter 116

  Chapter 117

  Chapter 118

  Chapter 119

  Chapter 120

  Chapter 121

  Chapter 122

  Chapter 123

  Chapter 124

  Chapter 125

  Chapter 126

  Chapter 127

  Chapter 128

  Chapter 129

  Chapter 130

  Chapter 131

  Chapter 132

  Chapter 133

  Chapter 134

  Chapter 135

  Chapter 136

  Chapter 137

  Chapter 138

  Chapter 139

  Acknowledgements

  About the Author

  Jilly Cooper is a journalist, writer and media superstar. The author of many number one bestselling novels, she lives in Gloucestershire with her husband Leo, her rescue greyhound Feather a
nd her black cat Feral.

  She was appointed OBE in 2004 for services to literature, and in 2009 was awarded an honorary Doctorate of Letters by the University of Gloucestershire for her contribution to literature and services to the County.

  Find out more about Jilly Cooper at her website www.jillycooper.co.uk

  By Jilly Cooper

  FICTION

  RIDERS

  RIVALS

  POLO

  THE MAN WHO MADE HUSBANDS JEALOUS

  APPASSIONATA

  SCORE!

  PANDORA

  WICKED!

  JUMP!

  NON-FICTION

  ANIMALS IN WAR

  CLASS

  HOW TO SURVIVE CHRISTMAS

  HOTFOOT TO ZABRISKIE POINT (with Patrick Lichfield)

  INTELLIGENT AND LOYAL

  JOLLY MARSUPIAL

  JOLLY SUPER

  JOLLY SUPERLATIVE

  JOLLY SUPER TOO

  SUPER COOPER

  SUPER JILLY

  SUPER MEN AND SUPER WOMEN

  THE COMMON YEARS

  TURN RIGHT AT THE SPOTTED DOG

  WORK AND WEDLOCK

  ANGELS RUSH IN

  ARAMINTA’S WEDDING

  CHILDREN’S BOOKS

  LITTLE MABEL

  LITTLE MABEL’S GREAT ESCAPE

  LITTLE MABEL SAVES THE DAY

  LITTLE MABEL WINS

  ROMANCE

  BELLA

  EMILY

  HARRIET

  IMOGEN

  LISA & CO

  OCTAVIA

  PRUDENCE

  ANTHOLOGIES

  THE BRITISH IN LOVE

  VIOLETS AND VINEGAR

  This book is dedicated with love and admiration to two great headmistresses, Virginia Frayer and Katherine Eckersley, and also in loving memory of the Angel School, Islington, and Village High School, Derby

  CAST OF CHARACTERS

  ADELE Single mother who teaches geography at Larkminster Comprehensive (otherwise known as Larks).

  PARIS ALVASTON Larks pupil and icon. Founder member of the notorious Wolf Pack.

  ANATOLE Bagley Hall pupil and beguiling son of the Russian Minister of Affaires.

  RUFUS ANDERSON Brilliant and eccentric head of geography at Bagley Hall. Henpecked father of two, liable to leave coursework on trains.

  SHEENA ANDERSON Rufus’s concupiscent careerist wife – the main reason Rufus hasn’t been given a house at Bagley Hall.

  MRS AXFORD Chief caterer at Bagley Hall.

  MISS BASKET A menopausal misfit who teaches geography at Larks.

  BEA FROM THE BEEB A researcher at the Teaching Awards.

  DORA BELVEDON Bagley Hall new girl. Determined to support her pony and her chocolate Labrador by flogging school scandal to the tabloids.

  DICKY BELVEDON Dora’s equally resourceful twin brother who runs his own school shop at Bagley Hall selling booze and fags.

  LADY BELVEDON (ANTHEA) Dicky and Dora’s young, very pretty, very spoilt mother. A Violet Elizabeth Bottox, drastically impoverished by widowhood, and determined to hunt for a rich new husband, unobserved by her beady son and daughter.

  JUPITER BELVEDON Dora and Dicky’s machiavellian eldest brother, chairman of the governors at Bagley Hall, Tory MP for Larkminster, and tipped to take over the party leadership.

  HANNA BELVEDON Jupiter’s lovely and loving wife, a painter.

  SOPHY BELVEDON An English teacher of splendid proportions and great charm. Ian and Patience Cartwright’s daughter, and wife of Jupiter Belvedon’s younger brother, Alizarin.

  DULCIE BELVEDON Adorable and self-willed daughter of Sophy and Alizarin.

  SIR HUGO BETTS Governor of Larks who sleeps through most meetings.

  JAMES BENSON An extremely smooth private doctor.

  THE BISHOP OF LARKMINSTER A governor of Bagley Hall.

  GORDON BLENCHLEY The unsavoury care manager of Oaktree Court, Paris Alvaston’s children’s home.

  HENGIST BRETT-TAYLOR Hugely charismatic headmaster of Bagley Hall.

  SALLY BRETT-TAYLOR Hengist’s wife, classic beauty and jolly good sort, hugely contributory towards Hengist’s success.

  ORIANA BRETT-TAYLOR Hengist and Sally’s daughter, a much admired BBC foreign correspondent.

  WALLY BRISTOW Stalwart site manager at Larks.

  GENERAL BROADSTAIRS Lord Lieutenant of Larkshire and governor of Bagley Hall.

  ‘BOFFIN’ BROOKS The cleverest boy at Bagley Hall, a humourless prig.

  SIR GORDON BROOKS Boffin’s father, a thrusting captain of industry.

  ALEX BRUCE Deputy head of Bagley Hall, nicknamed Mr Fussy.

  POPPET BRUCE His dreadful wife, who teaches RE. An acronymphomaniac, determined to impose total political correctness on Bagley Hall.

  CHARISMA BRUCE Alex and Poppet’s severely gifted daughter.

  MARIA CAMBOLA Larks’s splendidly flamboyant head of music.

  RUPERT CAMPBELL-BLACK Former showjumping champion and Tory Minister for Sport. Now leading owner/trainer, and director of Venturer, the local ITV station. Despite being as bloody-minded as he is beautiful, Rupert is still Nirvana for most women.

  TAGGIE CAMPBELL-BLACK His adored wife – an angel.

  XAVIER CAMPBELL-BLACK Bagley Hall pupil and Rupert and Taggie’s adopted Colombian son, who has hit moody adolescence head-on.

  BIANCA CAMPBELL-BLACK Xavier’s ravishingly pretty, sunny-natured younger sister, also adopted and Colombian.

  IAN CARTWRIGHT Former commanding officer of a tank regiment, now bursar at Bagley Hall.

  PATIENCE CARTWRIGHT Ian’s loyal wife – a trooper who teaches riding and runs the stables at Bagley.

  MRS CHALFORD Head of history at Larks. A self-important bossy boots who likes to be referred to as ‘Chally’.

  TARQUIN COURTNEY Charismatic captain of rugger at Bagley Hall.

  ALISON COX Sally Brett-Taylor’s housekeeper, known as ‘Coxie’.

  JANNA CURTIS Larks’s very young, Yorkshire-born headmistress.

  P.C. CUTHBERT A zero-tolerant police constable, determined to impose order on Larks.

  DANIJELA Larks pupil from Bosnia.

  DANNY Larks pupil from Ireland.

  EMLYN DAVIES A former Welsh rugby international, known as Attila the Hunk, who teaches history at Bagley Hall and coaches the rugger fifteens to serial victory.

  DEBBIE Ace cook at Larks.

  ARTIE DEVERELL Head of modern languages at Bagley Hall.

  ASHTON DOUGLAS The sinister, lisping Chief Executive Officer of S and C Services, the private company brought in by the Government to supervise education in Larkshire.

  ENID Lachrymose librarian at Larks.

  PRIMROSE DUDDON Earnest, noble-browed, ample-breasted form prefect at Bagley Hall.

  VICKY FAIRCHILD Two-faced but both of them extremely pretty. Cures truancy at Larks overnight when Janna Curtis appoints her as head of drama.

  JASON FENTON Larks’s deputy head of drama, known as Goldilocks.

  PIERS FLEMING Wayward head of English at Bagley Hall.

  JOHNNIE FOWLER Good-looking Larks hellraiser; BNP supporter; persistent truant.

  LANDO FRANCE-LYNCH Master of the Bagley Beagles, whose sparse intellect is compensated for by dazzling all-round athletic and equestrian ability.

  DAISY FRANCE-LYNCH His sweet mother, a painter, wife of Ricky France-Lynch, former England polo captain.

  FREDDIE A waiter at La Perdrix d’Or restaurant.

  CHIEF INSPECTOR TIMOTHY GABLECROSS A wise, kind and extremely clever policeman.

  MAGS GABLECROSS The wise, kind wife of the Chief Inspector, part-time modern languages teacher at Larks.

  GLORIA PE teacher at Larks not given to hiding her physical lights under bushels.

  THEO GRAHAM Head of classics at Bagley Hall, an outwardly crusty old bachelor with a heart of gold. Takes out his hearing aid on Speech Day.

  GILLIAN GRIMSTON Head of Searston Abbey, an extremely successful Larkminster grant-maintained school for girls. />
  LILY HAMILTON Aunt of Jupiter, Dicky and Dora Belvedon. A merry, very youthful octogenarian and Janna Curtis’s next-door neighbour in the village of Wilmington.

  DAME HERMIONE HAREFIELD World famous diva, seriously tiresome, brings out the Crippen in all.

  WADE HARGREAVES An unexpectedly humane Ofsted Inspector.

  DENZIL HARPER Head of PE at Bagley Hall.

  UNCLE HARLEY Jamaican drugs dealer, lives on and off with Feral Jackson’s mother.

  SIR DAVID ‘HATCHET’ HAWKLEY Headmaster of Fleetley, illustrious classical scholar. Later Lord Hawkley.

  LADY HAWKLEY (HELEN) A nervy beauty. Having numbered Rupert Campbell-Black and Roberto Rannaldini among her former husbands, Helen hopes marriage to David Hawkley means calmer waters.

  ROD HYDE An awful autocrat, headmaster of St James’s, a highly successful Larkminster grant-maintained school, known as St Jimmy’s.

  ‘SKUNK’ ILLINGWORTH Deputy head of science at Larks.

  ‘FERAL’ JACKSON Larks’s leading truant, Paris Alvaston’s best friend and founder member of the Wolf Pack. Afro-Caribbean, beautiful beyond belief, seriously dyslexic, and a natural athlete.

  NANCY JACKSON Feral’s mother, a heroin addict.

  JESSAMY A teaching assistant at Larks.

  JESSICA Hengist Brett-Taylor’s stunning second secretary, a typomaniac.

  JOAN JOHNSON Head of science at Bagley Hall, also in charge of Boudicca, the only girls’ house. Nicknamed ‘No-Joke Joan’ because of a total lack of humour.

  MRS KAMANI Long-suffering owner of Larks’s nearest newsagent’s.

  KATA Larks pupil and wistful asylum-seeker from Kosovo.

  AYSHA KHAN One of Larks’s few achievers. Destined for an arranged marriage in Pakistan.

  RASCHID KHAN Aysha’s bullying father.

  MRS KHAN Aysha’s bullied but surprisingly brave mother.

  RUSSELL LAMBERT Ponderous chairman both of Larks’s governors and Larkminster planning committee.

  LANCE An understandably terrified newly qualified Larks history teacher.

  AMBER LLOYD-FOXE Minxy founder member of the ‘Bagley Babes’, otherwise known as the ‘Three Disgraces’.

  BILLY LLOYD-FOXE Amber’s father, an ex-Olympic showjumper, now a presenter for the BBC.

  JANEY LLOYD-FOXE His unprincipled journalist wife.

  JUNIOR LLOYD-FOXE Amber’s merry, racing-mad twin brother.

  LYDIA Another understandably terrified newly qualified Larks English teacher.