The Man Who Made Husbands Jealous Read online

  About the Book

  Lysander Hawkley combined breathtaking good looks with the kindest of hearts. He couldn't pass a stray dog, an ill-treated horse or a neglected wife without rushing to the rescue. And with neglected wives the rescue invariably led to ecstatic bonking, which didn't please their erring husbands one bit.

  Lysander's mid-life crisis had begun at twenty-two. Reeling from the death of his beautiful mother, he was out of work, drinking too much and desperately in debt. The solution came from Ferdie, his fat friend: if Lysander was so good at making husbands jealous, why shouldn't he get paid for it?

  Let loose among the neglected wives of the ritzy county of Rutshire, Lysander causes absolute havoc. But it is only when he meets Rannaldini, Rutshire's King Rat and a temperamental, fiendishly promiscuous international conductor, that the trouble really starts. The only unglamorous woman around Rannaldini was Kitty, his plump young wife who ran his life like clockwork. Soon Lysander was convinced that Kitty must be rescued from Rannaldini at all costs, even if it means enlisting the help of the old blue-eyed havoc-maker: Rupert Campbell-Black.

  Jilly Cooper

  THE MAN WHO MADE

  HUSBANDS JEALOUS

  This eBook is copyright material and must not be copied, reproduced, transferred, distributed, leased, licensed or publicly performed or used in any way except as specifically permitted in writing by the publishers, as allowed under the terms and conditions under which it was purchased or as strictly permitted by applicable copyright law. Any unauthorised distribution or use of this text may be a direct infringement of the author’s and publisher’s rights and those responsible may be liable in law accordingly.

  Epub ISBN: 9781409032403

  Version 1.0

  www.randomhouse.co.uk

  TRANSWORLD PUBLISHERS

  61-63 Uxbridge Road, London W5 5SA

  a division of The Random House Group Ltd

  www.booksattransworld.co.uk

  THE MAN WHO MADE HUSBANDS JEALOUS

  A CORGI BOOK: 9780552156394

  First published in Great Britain

  in 1991 by Bantam Press

  a division of Transworld Publishers

  Corgi edition published 1994

  Corgi edition reissued 2007

  Copyright © Jilly Cooper 1993

  Lines from ‘Naked in the Rain’ by McBroom and Glover

  reproduced by kind permission of

  Big Life Music and Bertelsmann Music Group Ltd,

  © Big Life Music 1990 and © Bertelsmann Music Group Ltd 1990.

  Lines from ‘The Last Night of the World’ from the musical Miss Saigon

  by Alain Boublil and Claude-Michel Schönberg. Lyrics by

  Alain Boublil and Richard Maltby Jr. Music by

  Claude-Michel Schönberg. © Alain Boublil Music Ltd.

  Jilly Cooper has asserted her right under the Copyright,

  Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work.

  This book is a work of fiction and, except in the case of historical fact, any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

  A CIP catalogue record for this book

  is available from the British Library

  This book is sold subject to the condition that it shall not, by way of trade or otherwise, be lent, resold, hired out or otherwise circulated without the publisher’s prior consent in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition including this condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser

  Addresses for Random House Group Ltd companies outside the UK

  can be found at: www.randomhouse.co.uk

  The Random House Group Ltd Reg. No. 954009

  4 6 8 10 9 7 5 3

  Table of Contents

  Cover

  About the Book

  Title

  Copyright

  About the Author

  Also by Jilly Cooper

  Dedication

  Acknowledgements

  Characters

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Chapter 27

  Chapter 28

  Chapter 29

  Chapter 30

  Chapter 31

  Chapter 32

  Chapter 33

  Chapter 34

  Chapter 35

  Chapter 36

  Chapter 37

  Chapter 38

  Chapter 39

  Chapter 40

  Chapter 41

  Chapter 42

  Chapter 43

  Chapter 44

  Chapter 45

  Chapter 46

  Chapter 47

  Chapter 48

  Chapter 49

  Chapter 50

  Chapter 51

  Chapter 52

  Chapter 53

  Chapter 54

  Chapter 55

  Chapter 56

  Chapter 57

  Chapter 58

  Chapter 59

  Chapter 60

  Chapter 61

  Chapter 62

  Chapter 63

  Chapter 64

  Chapter 65

  About the Author

  Jilly Cooper is a journalist, writer and media superstar. The author of many number one bestselling novels, she lives in Gloucestershire with her husband Leo, her rescue greyhound Feather and her black cat Feral.

  She was appointed OBE in 2004 for services to literature, and in 2009 was awarded an honorary Doctorate of Letters by the University of Gloucestershire for her contribution to literature and services to the County.

  Find out more about Jilly Cooper at her website www.jillycooper.co.uk

  By Jilly Cooper

  FICTION

  RIDERS

  RIVALS

  POLO

  THE MAN WHO MADE HUSBANDS JEALOUS

  APPASSIONATA

  SCORE!

  PANDORA

  WICKED!

  JUMP!

  NON-FICTION

  ANIMALS IN WAR

  CLASS

  HOW TO SURVIVE CHRISTMAS

  HOTFOOT TO ZABRISKIE POINT (with Patrick Lichfield)

  INTELLIGENT AND LOYAL

  JOLLY MARSUPIAL

  JOLLY SUPER

  JOLLY SUPERLATIVE

  JOLLY SUPER TOO

  SUPER COOPER

  SUPER JILLY

  SUPER MEN AND SUPER WOMEN

  THE COMMON YEARS

  TURN RIGHT AT THE SPOTTED DOG

  WORK AND WEDLOCK

  ANGELS RUSH IN

  ARAMINTA’S WEDDING

  CHILDREN’S BOOKS

  LITTLE MABEL

  LITTLE MABEL’S GREAT ESCAPE

  LITTLE MABEL SAVES THE DAY

  LITTLE MABEL WINS

  ROMANCE

  BELLA

  EMILY

  HARRIET

  IMOGEN

  LISA & CO

  OCTAVIA

  PRUDENCE

  ANTHOLOGIES

  THE BRITISH IN LOVE

  VIOLETS AND VINEGAR

  To Emily
<
br />   with love and gratitude

  for so much happiness

  Acknowledgements

  One of the delights of writing The Man Who Made Husbands Jealous has been the kindness and enthusiasm of the people who helped me. These include in particular John Lodge, Managing Director of Lodge Securities, who initiated me into the mysteries of highly sophisticated security systems; trainer Nigel Twiston-Davies and his wife Cathy, who took me racing and allowed me to spend several days at their yard; Emily Gardiner and Alicia Winter who advised me on the pop music front; and Ian Maclay, the former Managing Director of The Royal Philharmonic Orchestra and the orchestra themselves, who provided me with much joy and enlightenment, both at rehearsal and concerts.

  I should also like to thank Martin Stephen for telling me about headmasters; composer Geoffrey Burgon and master cellist Bobby Kok for talking to me about music; Andrew Parker-Bowles and John Oaksey for being brilliant about racing; Shirley Bevan for advising me on the illnesses of horses; Simon Cowley for walking the Cheltenham course with me in a deluge; and Raymond and Jenny Mould for inviting me into their box to see Tipping Tim win gloriously at Cheltenham. Peter and Alexandra Hunter and Sally Reygate also told me wonderful stories about their horses Esperanta and Regal, both now sadly departed.

  Many other people helped me. Like those referred to above, they are all skilled in their own fields, but as I was writing fiction, I only followed their advice as far as it fitted my own story, and their expertise is in no way reflected by the accuracy of this book. They include:

  Anthony and Mary Abrahams, Richard Bell, Sebastian Birkhead, John Bowes-Lyon, Charlie Brooks, Peter Cadbury, Edith and Jack Clarkson, Peter Clarkson, Father Damian of Prinknash Abbey, Jim Davidson, Herbert Despard, Fiona Feeley, Dennis Foot, Miriam Francombe, Susannah and William Franklyn, Judy Gaselee, E. W. Gillespie, Managing Director, Cheltenham Racecourse, Tony Hoskins, George and Huw Humphreys, John Irvin, Geoffrey and Jorie Kent, Carl Llewellyn, Roger and Rowena Luard, David Marchwood, Managing Director, Moët & Chandon (London) Ltd., Pussy Minchin, Sharon Morgan, Lana Myers, Peter Norman, Managing Director, Parfums Givenchy, Rosemary Nunneley, Guy Ralls, Henry Sallitt, Lottie Sjögren, Edward Smith, Pauline Stanbury, Diane Stevens, Harry Turner, Barry Watts, Madeline and Malcolm White, Kate Whitehouse and Francis Willey.

  I should also like to thank the National Canine Defence League and in particular Mrs Clarissa Baldwin for allowing me to use their slogan – ‘A Dog is for Life . . . Not Just for Christmas’.

  The subconscious mind works in strange ways. Almost from conception, The Man Who Made Husbands Jealous was set in Paradise, a mythical village in the mythical county of Rutshire. Paradise Village in the book has a population of around eight hundred, an Anglo-Saxon church, a pub, a restaurant, a handful of shops and lies on a river at the bottom of a beautiful valley surrounded by steeply sloping woodland studded with beautiful houses.

  During a driving lesson, when the book was well under way, I told my instructor, Peter Clarkson, about my fictional village. Did I know there was a Paradise in Gloucestershire, he asked, and promptly drove me to a tiny hamlet which looked down into a valley, even more beautiful than the one of my imagination. Charles II is alleged to have named the place Paradise. Arriving by night while escaping from the Roundheads, he gazed out of the window the following morning and asked in rapture if he had arrived in Paradise. As I had written so much of the book by then, and because the two ‘Paradises’ are totally different, except in their rare beauty, I decided to keep the name, but would stress that no-one living nor any of the locations in Paradise, Rutshire, bear any resemblance or are based on anyone living or any of the places in Paradise, Gloucestershire.

  I must also reiterate that The Man Who Made Husbands Jealous is a work of fiction and none of the characters is based on anyone. Any resemblance to any living person is purely coincidental and wholly unintended.

  An author is only as good as her publishers. Mine have been magnificent. I would like to say a massive thank you to Paul Scherer, Mark Barty-King, Patrick Janson-Smith, of Transworld Publishers Ltd., and all their staff for their continued encouragement and advice while I was writing the book. Once it was delivered I had marvellous editorial advice from Diane Pearson, Broo Doherty and Tom Hartman. Nor could anyone have a more charming, merry or skilful agent than Desmond Elliott. I also owe a special debt of gratitude to my son Felix, who in January 1992 restored the gazebo at the bottom of the garden so I was able to write in blissful seclusion uninterrupted by doorbells or telephones.

  Finishing a big book is tremendously exciting and consequently I owe a further huge debt of gratitude to my friends Annette Xuereb-Brennan, Annalise Dobson, Anna Gibbs-Kennet and Marjorie Williams for entering into the spirit by working late into the night typing huge chunks of the manuscript, and often correcting factual mistakes and fearful spelling. Ann Mills was equally marvellous at clearing up after us all without throwing away any vital scribbling.

  Nor could the book have been written without the wonderfully soothing presence of my PA, Jane Watts, who listened when I was in despair, provided numerous funny lines and spent hours collating and photostating the manuscript.

  Finally, I would most of all like to thank my family, Leo, Felix, Emily, Barbara and Hero. All provided comfort, tolerance and inspiration. Few writers are as privileged.

  CHARACTERS

  EDWARD BARTHOLOMEW A significant grandchild.

  ALDERTON

  ARCHANGEL MIKE Landlord of The Pearly

  Gates Public House

  and captain of Paradise

  Cricket XI.

  JULIA ARMSTRONG A passionate painter.

  BEN ARMSTRONG Her husband – a caring

  beard in computers.

  ASTRID A comely Palm Beach groom.

  MISS BATES A temp with tempting

  ankles.

  BEATRICE A fair flautist misused by

  Rannaldini.

  JAMES BENSON A very smooth private

  doctor.

  BONNY A Palm Beach polo groupie.

  SABINE BOTTOMLEY Headmistress of Bagley Hall

  - a less caring beard.

  TEDDY BRIMSCOMBE Larry Lockton’s gardener.

  MRS BRIMSCOMBE His wife.

  BUNNY An ace Gloucestershire vet.

  RUPERT CAMPBELL-BLACK Multi-millionaire owner/

  trainer, ex-world

  show-jumping champion,

  Mecca for most women.

  TAGGIE CAMPBELL-BLACK His second wife – an angel.

  MARCUS CAMPBELL-BLACK His son – an embryo concert

  pianist.

  TABITHA CAMPBELL-BLACK His daughter – a teenage

  tearaway.

  SEB AND DOMMIE CARLISLE The heavenly twins. Vastly

  brave professional polo

  players, whose serious

  wildness has been tempered

  by the recession.

  CHLOE CATFORD Talented mezzo-soprano

  and Boris Levitsky’s mistress.

  BLUEY CHARTERIS Rupert Campbell-Black’s first

  jockey.

  LADY CHISLEDEN An old boot and a pillar of

  Paradise.

  CLIVE Rannaldini’s sinister

  black-leather-clad henchman.

  MRS COLMAN David Hawkley’s secretary —

  nicknamed ‘Mustard’ by the

  boys because she’s so keen on

  him.

  CAMERON COOK A talented television

  termagent.

  MISS CRICKLADE Winner of the home-made

  wine class at Paradise Church

  fete for ten years running.

  DANNY One of Rupert Campbell-

  Black’s stable lads.

  DIZZY Rupert Campbell-Black’s

  head groom. A glamorous

  divorcee.

  FERDINAND FITZGERALD Fat Ferdie. Lysander

  Hawkley’s best friend and

  minder. Estate agent and

  fixer who is riding the
/>   recession with a cowboy’s

  skill.

  RICKY FRANCE-LYNCH Polo captain of England.

  DAISY FRANCE-LYNCH His painter wife, a friend of

  Julia Armstrong.

  GERALDINE Guy Seymour’s London

  secretary.

  GRAYDON GLUCKSTEIN Chairman of the New World

  Philharmonic Orchestra.

  HELEN GORDON Rupert Cambell-Black’s first

  wife.

  BOB HAREFIELD Orchestra manager of the

  London Met. A saint.

  HERMIONE HAREFIELD His seriously tiresome

  wife. Rannaldini’s mistress.

  One of the world’s leading

  sopranos and an applause

  junkie.

  LITTLE COSMO HAREFIELD A four-year-old fiend.

  LYSANDER HAWKLEY A hero of our time.

  DAVID ‘HATCHET’ Lysander’s father and

  HAWKLEY an unmerry widower.

  Headmaster of Fleetley

  - a top English public

  school.

  DINAH HAWKLEY An old soak, and the

  widow of David Hawkley’s

  much older brother,

  Alastair.

  HEINZ A colourless assistant

  conductor at the London