Score! rc-6 Read online

  Score!

  ( Rutshire Chronicles - 6 )

  Jilly Cooper

  Sir Roberto Rannaldini, the most successful but detested conductor in the world, had two ambitions: to seduce his ravishing nineteen-year-old stepdaughter, Tabitha Campbell-Black, and to put his mark on musical history by making the definitive film of Verdi’s darkest opera, Don Carlos.

  As Rannaldini, Tristan, his charismatic French director, a volatile cast and bolshy French crew gather at Rannaldini's haunted abbey for filming, it is inevitable that violent feuds, abandoned bonking, temperamental screaming, and devious plotting will ensue. But although everyone wished Rannaldini dead, no one actually thought the Maestro would be murdered. Or that after the dreadful deed some very bizarre things would continue to occur.

  Jilly Cooper

  SCORE!

  To Ann Mills,

  dearest of friends,

  with love and gratitude.

  CAST OF CHARACTERS

  J

  AMES

  B

  ENSON

  A very smooth, extremely expensive private doctor.

  B

  ETTY

  One of Rannaldini’s pretty maids.

  T

  EDDY

  B

  RIMSCOMBE

  Rannaldini’s head gardener, renowned for his green fingers and wandering hands.

  M

  RS

  B

  RIMSCOMBE

  Rannaldini’s long-suffering housekeeper.

  M

  R

  B

  ROWN

  An Australian racehorse owner.

  M

  ISS

  B

  USSAGE

  Rannaldini’s PA — a gorgon.

  R

  UPERT

  C

  AMPBELL

  — B

  LACK

  Multi-millionaire owner/trainer, ex-Olympic show jumper and Minister for Sport. Director of Venturer Television. Still Mecca for most women.

  T

  AGGIE

  C

  AMPBELL

  — B

  LACK

  His adored second wife — an angel.

  M

  ARCUS

  C

  AMPBELL

  — B

  LACK

  Rupert’s son by his first marriage, recent winner of the Appleton International piano competition.

  T

  ABITHA

  C

  AMPBELL

  — B

  LACK

  Mistress of the Horse for

  Don Carlos

  Rupert’s estranged daughter from his rider.

  X

  AVIER

  C

  AMPBELL

  — B

  LACK

  Rupert and Taggie’s adopted Colombian son.

  B

  IANCA

  C

  AMPBELL

  — B

  LACK

  Rupert and Taggie’s adopted Colombian daughter.

  E

  DDIE

  C

  AMPBELL

  — B

  LACK

  Rupert’s father, five times married and raring to go. A sexual buccaneer of the old school.

  B

  RUCE

  C

  ASSIDY

  Belegauered press officer for

  Don Carlos

  Inevitably nicknamed ‘Hype-along’.

  C

  HLOE

  C

  ATFORD

  Mellifluous mezzo soprano, and compilation queen. Sings Princess Eboli in

  Don Carlos

  Significant Other Woman in several marriages.

  G

  IUSEPPE

  C

  AVALLI

  Capricious Italian bass, the ghost of the Emperor Charles V in

  Don Carlos

  The inamorato of Granville Hastings, he sings like an angel and drinks like a fish.

  L

  ADY

  C

  HISLEDON

  A pillar of Paradise.

  C

  LIVE

  Rannaldini’s sinister leatherclad henchman.

  M

  ISS

  C

  RICKLADE

  Paradise village busybody.

  H

  OWIE

  D

  ENSTON

  Artist’s agent and ghastly creep who runs London office of Shepherd Denston, toughest music agents in New York.

  D

  IZZY

  Rupert Campbell-Black’s comely head groom.

  D

  ETECTIVE

  S

  ERGEANT

  K

  EVIN

  F

  ANSHAWE

  Rutminster CID smoothie and new-style catcher of villains.

  F

  LORENCE

  Hortense de Montigny’s ancient retainer.

  C

  HRISTY

  F

  OXE

  Indefatigable PA during recording of

  Don Carlos

  .

  D

  ETECTIVE

  S

  ERGEANT

  T

  IMOTHY

  G

  ABLECROSS

  Old-style catcher of villains.

  B

  ERNARD

  G

  UÉRIN

  Battle-scarred veteran. First assistant director,

  Don Carlos

  , Tristan de Montigny’s

  droit-

  hand man, who acts as sergeant major keeping order on the set.

  D

  AME

  H

  ERMIONE

  H

  AREFIELD

  World-famous diva and Rannaldini’s mistress. Seriously tiresome, brings out Crippen in all.

  B

  OB

  H

  AREFIELD

  Her charming, mostly absentee husband, longterm lover of Meredith Whalen.

  L

  ITTLE

  C

  OSMO

  H

  AREFIELD

  Hermione’s fiendish nine-year-old son. Could give lessons to Damien in

  The Omen

  .

  E

  ULALIA

  H

  ARRISON

  A frumpy feature writer.

  G

  RANVILLE

  ‘G

  RANNY

  ’ H

  ASTINGS

  English bass, singing the Grand Inquisitor in

  Don Carlos

  Outwardly cosy old pussy-cat.

  L

  YSANDER

  H

  AWKLEY

  Formerly a man who made husbands jealous, now happily married to Rannaldini’s third wife Kitty. Rupert Campbell-Black’s assistant.

  T

  HE

  R

  EV

  P

  ERCIVAL

  H

  ILLARY

  A portly parson, who confines his pastoral visits to drinks time.

  G

  EORGE

  H

  UNGERFORD

  An extremely successful property developer, chief executive of Rutminster Symphony Orchestra. Live-in lover of Flora Seymour.

  J

  ANICE

  Rannaldini’s head groom.

  J

  ESSICA

  Ravishing production secretary,

  Don Carlos

  .

  B

  EATTIE

  J

  OHNSON

  A seductive, totally unprincipled journalist.

  S

  EXT
ON

  K

  EMP

  An extremely fly East End film producer. Chief Executive of Liberty Productions, who are making

  Don Carlos

  .

  L

  UCY

  L

  ATIMER

  Make-up artist on

  Don Carlos

  Still centre and agony aunt to entire cast and crew.

  C

  LAUDINE

  L

  AUZERTE

  Actress and Gallic goddess, married to a French government minister.

  D

  ETECTIVE

  C

  ONSTABLE

  L

  IGHTFOOT

  Eager young constable, traumatized by steamy stint at the 1991 Valhalla orgy.

  I

  SA

  L

  OVELL

  A brilliant, obsessive jump jockey. A Heathcliff of the gallops.

  J

  AKE

  L

  OVELL

  His father, ex-world show jumping champion. Now National Hunt trainer.

  T

  ORY

  L

  OVELL

  Isa’s mother and Jake’s wife — loving and super-efficient, a hard act for a daughter-in-law to follow.

  M

  ARIA

  An ace cook.

  D

  ETECTIVE

  C

  ONSTABLE

  D

  EBBIE

  M

  ILLER

  A pulchritudinous policewoman.

  C

  OLIN

  M

  ILTON

  Once-great tenor now playing Count Lerma, the Spanish ambassador in

  Don Carlos

  Old sweetie, eminently bullyable.

  É

  TIENNE DE

  M

  ONTIGNY

  France’s greatest painter and national hero.

  A

  LEXANDRE DE

  M

  ONTIGNY

  Étienne’s pompous eldest son, a judge.

  H

  ORTENSE DE

  M

  ONTIGNY

  Étienne’s sister — a blue-blooded battle-axe.

  S

  IMONE DE

  M

  ONTIGNY

  Étienne’s granddaughter and Alexandre’s daughter. In charge of continuity,

  Don Carlos

  .

  T

  RISTAN DE

  M

  ONTIGNY

  Étienne’s youngest son and Rannaldini’s godson. Director,

  Don Carlos

  .

  D

  ETECTIVE

  C

  ONSTABLE

  K

  AREN

  N

  EEDHAM

  The belle of the Bill.

  O

  GBORNE

  Chief grip,

  Don Carlos

  .

  L

  ORD

  (D

  ECLAN

  ) O’H

  ARA OF

  P

  ENSCOMBE

  Recently ennobled television megastar, managing director of Venturer Television and Rupert Campbell-Black’s father-in-law.

  V

  IKING

  O’N

  EILL

  Golden boy and first horn of Rutminster Symphony Orchestra.

  O

  SCAR

  Deceptively indolent director of photography,

  Don Carlos

  .

  F

  RANCO

  P

  ALMIERI

  Vast and vastly famous Italian tenor, playing the title role in

  Don Carlos

  .

  M

  IKHAIL

  P

  EZCHEROV

  Lovable but rather base baritone, playing the Marquis of Posa in

  Don Carlos

  L

  ARA

  P

  EZCHEROV

  Mikhail’s adored wife.

  D

  ETECTIVE

  C

  HIEF

  I

  NSPECTOR

  G

  ERALD

  P

  ORTLAND

  Admin king and limelight hogger, Rutminster CID.

  R

  OZZY

  P

  RINGLE

  Exquisite-voiced soprano playing Tebaldo the page in

  Don Carlos

  Worn down by overwork and importunate family.

  G

  LYN

  P

  RINGLE

  Rozzy’s husband — an accomplished drone.

  P

  USHY

  G

  ALORE

  An ambitious and irritatingly good-looking member of the

  Don Carlos

  chorus. Real name Gloria Prescott.

  C

  ECILIA

  R

  ANNALDINI

  Italian soprano and world-famous diva. Rannaldini’s feisty second wife.

  S

  IR

  R

  OBERTO

  R

  ANNALDINI

  Mega maestro and archfiend, with musical directorships in Berlin, New York and Tokyo. Co-producing

  Don Carlos

  .

  L

  ADY

  (H

  ELEN

  ) R

  ANNALDINI

  Rannaldini’s fourth wife and Rupert Campbell-Black’s first wife, devoted mother of Marcus and less so of Tabitha. A legendary American beauty.

  W

  OLFGANG

  R

  ANNALDINI

  Rannaldini’s son from his first marriage. Little Hitler exterior hides heart of gold. Former boyfriend of Flora Seymour.

  S

  ALLY

  Another of Rannaldini’s pretty maids.

  F

  LORA

  S

  EYMOUR

  Soprano and viola player and former wild child, traumatized by teenage affaire with Rannaldini, now living with George Hungerford.

  A

  LPHEUS

  P. S

  HAW

  World-famous American bass, singing Philip II in

  Don Carlos

  Splendidlooking, but pompous sexual predator.

  C

  HERYL

  S

  HAW

  Alpheus’s justifiably jealous wife. Great tree and social climber.

  D

  ETECTIVE

  C

  ONSTABLE

  S

  MITHSON

  A very PC DC.

  B

  ABY

  S

  PINOSISSIMO

  Dazzling Australian tenor and sexual buccaneer of the modern school.

  C

  HIEF

  C

  ONSTABLE

  S

  WALLOW

  A Rutshire god, and friend of Lady Rannaldini and Dame Hermione.

  S

  YLVESTRE

  Sound engineer,

  Don Carlos

  Man of few words but countless deeds.

  S

  YLVIA

  Glyn Pringle’s housekeeper.

  V

  ALENTIN

  Charismatic camera operator,

  Don Carlos

  Oscar’s son-in-law.

  L

  ADY

  G

  RISELDA

  W

  ALLACE

  Wardrobe mistress,

  Don Carlos

  Nervous-breakdown van always on call during production.

  S

  ERENA

  W

  ESTWOOD

  Record producer of

  Don Carlos

  Cool, competent beauty.

  J

  ESSIE

  W

  ESTWOOD


  Serena’s four-year-old daughter.

  M

  EREDITH

  W

  HALEN

  Set designer,

  Don Carlos

  Highly expensive interior designer. Known as the Ideal Homo, because he’s so much in demand as spare man at dinner parties.

  THE ANIMALS

  T

  HE

  E

  NGINEER

  Tabitha Campbell-Black’s event horse.

  G

  ERTRUDE

  Taggie Campbell-Black’s mongrel.

  J

  AMES

  Lucy Latimer’s rescued lurcher.

  P

  EPPY

  K

  OALA

  An Australian wonder horse.

  T

  HE

  P

  RINCE OF

  D

  ARKNESS

  Rannaldini’s vicious and generally victorious National Hunt horse.

  S

  ARASTRO

  Rannaldini’s cat.

  S

  HARON

  Tabitha Campbell-Black’s yellow Labrador, later has walk-on part as the Grand Inquisitor’s guide dog.

  T

  ABLOID

  Rannaldini’s Rottweiler.

  T

  REVOR

  Flora Seymour’s rescued terrier.

  DON CARLOS

  THE INITIAL CAST OF THE FILM

  P

  HILIP

  II, K

  ING OF

  S

  PAIN

  Alpheus P. Shaw

  D

  ON

  C

  ARLOS

  , I

  NFANTE OF

  S

  PAIN

  ‘Fat Franco’ Palmieri

  E

  LIZABETH DE

  V

  ALOIS

  , P

  RINCESS OF

  F

  RANCE

  Hermione Harefield

  T

  EBALDO

  , E

  LIZABETH

  ’S P

  AGE

  Rozzy Pringle

  P

  RINCESS

  E

  BOLI

  , A S

  PANISH LADY-IN-WAITING

  Chloe Catford

  R

  ODRIGO

  , M

  ARQUIS OF

  P

  OSA

  F

  RIEND OF

  D

  ON

  C

  ARLOS

  To be filled

  T

  HE

  G

  RAND

  I

  NQUISITOR

  Granville ‘Granny’ Hastings

  T

  HE GHOST OF THE

  E

  MPEROR

  C

  HARLES

  V

  Giuseppe Cavalli

  C

  OUNT

  L

  ERMA

  ,

  THE

  S

  PANISH

  A

  MBASSADOR TO

  F

  RANCE

  Colin Milton

  MAP

  OVERTURE 1977

  Many men hated Roberto Rannaldini. Many women, after loving him passionately, hated him even more. To be regarded at twenty-eight as the most exciting conductor since the war had necessitated brutal trampling on the way up. But at least Rannaldini could count on the unqualified love of his ten-year-old godson, Tristan de Montigny. To Tristan, the dashing maestro, with his suave, catlike smile, his deep, caressing voice, and his recklessly fast cars, was the most glamorous person in the world.